A Warm Bed and a Restless Mind

I lay in my warm bed half awake as I hear the alarm go off.  I take a deep breath and crawl further under the covers.  In these moments I lay there in the peace and quiet and hear God speak softly to my heart.  And my heart is desperate for God to speak and give me a new perspective on just about everything.  Lately my mind and heart have been so restless.  I long so deeply for free time and the chance to finally do what I love on a daily basis that it has begun to take its toll on my spirit, my attitude, my relationships and just about everything else.  My sweet husband tries to help and I love him for it but but the restlessness continues. 
So, like a good counselor, I reflect on all the things that could be causing this problem.  I pray.  I talk.  I sit in silence.  I talk to my husband.  I talk to my mom.  I even talk to myself.  I cry.  I eat.  I shop (much to my husband's frustration!).  Yet, here I sit restless.  I know we all go through seasons where we want to be somewhere else and there is nothing we can do about it.  But how do we deal with this impatience that begins to puncture a relatively healthy mindset?  I guess the answer lies in the question.  Christ said that he gives us peace, but not as the world gives it.  So if he gives us peace that looks different than the peace of the world then we cannot seek it the way we do everything else.  I often find myself seeking God for answers and at this time there really are no answers to be had.  I am in a time of waiting and I must walk through it.  So I must now seek God simply for who he is.  As my wise husband once said, " I hope you didn't marry me for what I can give you, I hope you married me because you love me and want to be with my always.  That is how we should see God."  Wise man my husband, what he was saying is that I must seek God to simply sit in the joy of his presence and the beauty of being near him. 

So today I woke up and breathed a deep sigh of relief.  I layed in my warm bed and cried out for God to change my heart and give me his perspective and most of all his presence. I got up and got dressed in the beautiful silence of God's presence.  I walked outside and smelled the fresh spring air.  The unrest still lingers but I ask God to speak to my heart and quiet my mind.  To give the peace that only he can give.  My circumstances will be no different today.  I will go to class and move one day closer to graduation.  But I believe that my mind must be in a better place because right now I hear God's voice above all the noises that fill my day and his peace surpasses my understanding.  You see unlike the world's temporary peace God's peace is complete and perfect. 

Easter Eggs and the Empty Tomb

I love this time of year.  There is such a sense of renewal.  There is so much joy and all the tough and painful situations don't seem as important when we focus on the constant love and compassion we are crowned with because of Christ.  Yes, we buy new Easter dresses, take pictures, hunt eggs filled with chocolate if we are lucky, and we eat A LOT!!!  Some say that to celebrate in these ways may be silly; but for me each beautiful part of the celebration is a joyful reminder of the gift given and the peace that surpasses all understanding.  There is a similar celebration at Christmas.  For me Christmas holds a beauty all its own but its Easter that seems to set my mind and heart at ease in a way I'm not certian I can describe. 

I will never forget seeing the passion of the Christ and watching all the painful acts he had to undure.  Yet what sticks out most in my mind is not his crucifixion.  It was the moment when he sat up and just walked out of the tomb.  At that moment all of the pain, hurt, fear, humiliation, agony, weight, longing, loss, and seperation were swept away.  I think this is why I love the resurrection so much.  In my life it is what I have walked through and been broken by that I always thought mattered so much. But as I look back it seems that it is the moments that I realize there has been a victory and I am walking in it that makes the most impact.  Sadly, I don't realize the victory has taken place till weeks or even months after and I am deeply sad.  During all of that time I walk through life as though I am still in a broken and useless season.  For months God will have been trying to tell me that I am free and I am so consumed by the pain that I was in that I neglect to walk in the healing provided. 

There is no mistaking that on this day healing was provided.  But healing was not the only thing provided.  It was healing, relationship, and love provided once for all and the only way I could imagine Christ going through it all without calling the angels down to stop it is that he knew the victory that had already been won simply by him coming to earth.  We were given a chance to be in constant communion with our creator and to know what love truly is. Then we are able to share this incredible love with every person we come in contact with including our family, friends, spouse and hopefully ourselves! My continual healing is always at hand and always available.  To walk in it may be a battle but Jesus walked through life, temptation, betrayal, torture, and death.  Then he walked out of an empty tomb to show me how to walk and then run the race he has laid out before me.  So we walk one day at a time, some days we run, some we crawl but we take comfort in the fact that Jesus did the exact same thing.  My Savior is risen and he walks with me for all eternity.  Now I'm off to enjoy the beauty of Easter eggs and an empty tomb!

Saving Face with the Generic Brands

In the name of saving money and getting our priorities in order David and I took a long hard look at what we spent our money on.  Some things we think we need we really don't.  Some things we think we need are bad for us.  Some things we need we do truly need.  And then there are the things that we use that are still good but cost less.  These are the generic brands that keep our lives running and money in our pockets.  I love generic brands.  They are like saving money without sacrificing.  Some of these generic brands are even better than their more expensive counterparts.  It is with this knowledge that I chose to try a different facial cleanser to save us a big chunk of change.  My husband smiled when I said I would try this.  He knows my fear of having acne again.  Which is why in the almost 6 years of knowing me he never gave me a hard time about using clinique.  It helped my skin and therefore my outlook.

This may seem silly but for me to try a new facial routine is extremely nerve racking.  I struggled and from time to time still struggle with acne.  For anyone who has ever struggled with this it is unthinkable to switch from a product that works to one that we are unsure of.  Our face is what we show the world.  We want it at its best.  We want to be beautiful. As women being beautiful is extremely important.  We want to be admired, sought after, and pursued.  What is my point you might ask.  Well I'll get to it.  I tried the generic brand of facial cleanser.  I just knew it would not work.  Well I was wrong.  It did work and my face is in even better shape than it was using clinique.  What I was using was too harsh on my skin and for years I have been dry and itchy.  Acne free but dry and itchy.  Often the nourishment we seek is found in the simple things that have been there all along that we thought we were too good for. 

The simple things of God are what grow and change us the most.  Yet, they are the things that we cannot seem to find time or energy for.  Sitting in silence, listening to a still small voice,  reading the simple yet complex and powerful words of a God who loves us.  For these things we often cannot be bothered.  And then we find these things become essential to our ability to progress and suddenly we are willing to try them.  The results are incredible as they always are and so we continue in them for a while.  Then like God's children in the desert we grow weary of the things that are good for us and long for the things that held us captive.  No, clinique is not the egyptian pharoah holding me captive.  Yes, I might be stretching this a bit.  But for me it makes sense and I see it every single time I look in the mirror.