Sometimes it amazes me how hard it is to get out of my own head. I worry so much sometimes about the most rediculious things! Some things are worthy to be concerned about but should be prayed about and released and yet a number of sleepless nights remind me how much I need to seek God. I know a lot of us worry and the combination of being a wife, a mother, a counselor, and minister's wife all lend to this problem. I worry that I'm not doing enough to help David and Conner see how much I love them. I think about the problems others share with me and how I can help them. And of course let's not forget the dozens of teenagers that David and I work with, teach and pray for. And just when I think I am doing better a situation arrises that reminds me that I indeed run to so many other things and have so little grace for myself.
Most recently I have been worried about pleasing others. The need to make others around me happy and to like me has been consuming. As Christians we are all so hard on ourselves and others that it is nothing short of heartbreaking. I realized how much I worried about the opinions of others on Sunday when our pastor spoke of love and the kind of grace it takes to assume the best of others. What does it look like to assume the best of others? What does it look like to assume the best of me? It might be impossible to assume better of others if I cannot even be gracious and forgiving with myself! I so rarely think that I do anything well, that God sees me and loves me just as I am, that his love is enough to cover a multitude of sins. I so often find my mind running strait to being critical of all of my actions instead of seeing that I have done my best and given all that I have and that this is enough.
When speaking of love my pastor said that a study of marriages revealed that the happiest couples are the ones who don't see their spouse accurately. These couples look past the flaws in their partner and focus on the good. David has joked with me that I love him so much that sometimes I am blind to his flaws. I have told him that I am not blind but that I just focus on how amazing he is and all the mess fades into the background. So why can't I extend that kindness to myself more. See what God is doing in me that is good and enjoy them instead of only focusing on my weaknesses. What a beautiful joy that would be! If we are honest we can easily recall a recent offense in glaring detail. Wes spoke a few weeks ago about how we even keep lists of offenses in our minds that keep us from seeing what is good about others.
Think of the person who annoys you the most. What is so frustrating about them and how much easier your life would be without them. Now look at what is good about them. What they offer others and you. How they help you see how easily offended you are! For our 5 year anniversary I gave David a journal I had been keeping since we started dating that listed all the sweet things he has done over the years to love on me. When I think of his hurtful actions they just don't compare to his incredible love for me. We all get our hearts broken by many people over the years. Some of the offenses take a long time to heal and some heal quickly and all involve forgivness. It may even mean seeking to forget these hurts and focus of remembering the good in others. I think it is time that I find more grace in my heart for myself and others. It is time that I make a list of things that are good about those all around me and believe the best of them instead of the worst. What would your world look like if you believed the best of your spouse?
Your kids?
Your parents?
Your teachers?
Your coaches?
Your ministers?
Your siblings?
Yourself?
