I love to organize. Those close to me know this best as evidenced by my color coordinated closet, jewelry, shoes, purses, and many more items. My bed may go unmade for days, but my closet will look amazing! After all, I plan to get right back in my bed for a nap so why make it for just a few hours, it seems like such a waste to me! But organizing my surroundings makes me feel like things are in order when the world is so full of disorder. I usually wait till my room is terribly disorganized and then get to work. This also usually happens during a time of great stress. Within a couple of hours of putting things back into their rightful place (along with a bit of chocolate!) my mind begins to defrag and I regain my clarity.
As I was cleaning out my closet the other day looking at clothes that I now do not want, and once just had to have no matter what, I realized a few things. The things we think we need so badly are usually the things that we look back on as something that ended up hurting us, our relationships, our finances, and especially our walks with God. Many of the things I thought I needed most in my life ended up being terrible for me. I would beg, plead, and bargain with God to get what I was so sure I needed, and when I was finally given these things that I was so focused on instead of him I ended up losing them, being hurt by them, or hating them. When I look back on all these posessions, relationships, or positions I just had to have I feel like I am looking at the pile of clothes I am giving away. They gave me temporary happiness and were quickly gone from my mind and replaced as they lost their fit, or were ruined by a great spaghetti dinner (I make a pretty great spaghetti sauce if I do say so myself). It seems that the things that I seemingly stumble upon are what end up being the things that last and mean the most. These things I cannot take credit for because God wanted me to see them for exactly what they were, a gift. I met my husband by "accident" after ending a relationship that I was just so certian would lead to marriage, stumbled upon my greatest passion while being educated for something else. Finding a job I love, working with a dear friend, doing exactly what I never thought I would do again, after 2 years of looking for a high paying job that ended up breaking my heart and leaving me without a job for nearly a year. And lets not forget the greatest "accident" of my life when a friend of mine in 8th grade invited me to church to see a boy I liked and met the lover of my soul and the Savior of my life.
There are some classic things that I still keep in my closet no matter how many years pass or how much changes. These things, funny enough hardly cost me a thing and were given to me out of love. Ironically enough most of these items are pink, as it should be! My favorite pair of pink shoes that cost all of 15$ and will be worn till they fall apart as I'm walking, that gorgeous pink sweater Melanie gave me for Christmas that lasts and lasts no matter what I do to it, and a beautiful pink Bible I stumbled onto while buying a book for school. As I put these old clothes into the donation pile I am filled with sense of joy because I finally see what God has been patiently trying to show me for all of these years. Instead of waiting on God to give me what I need I have been trying to give myself what I thought I needed. These are not gifts but painful barriers that I put between myself and God. I am once again reminded that every good and perfect gift comes from above. After all he is the only one who knows exactly what we need, when we need it. From the pink shoes to the handsome prince I now call my husband the greatest things in my life are always given to me from a loving a generous God, and almost never something I earned. Though don't let that stop you from trying to find the perfect gift for my quickly approaching birthday!!!
