Flowers, Chocolate, and Presents Oh My!

I love Valentine's Day.  I love everything about it. The flowers, the chocolates, the food, and the presents would make any woman swoon. And you would think they are the reason for my excitement but you would be wrong. 
I was 15 and got dumped on Valentine's Day! It was terrible and it started my lengthy hatred for this sweetest of holidays.  Every year after for the next 5 years I wholeheartedly loathed Valentine's Day and tried to ignore it and all the annoying couples celebrating it. 
I met David on September 10th of my junior year in college. I was hurt and jaded from a bad breakup with my boyfriend of 2 years.  He had cheated on me the month before I met David. I was not looking for a relationship.  Funny the things that stay with you.  I remember what David was wearing when we met.  I remember his passion for God and talking to him for hours.  I remember dancing with him.  I remember how good looking I thought he was to spite his dorky hat and flip flops that were waaaay too big.  I remember how much I liked his truck.  I remember how when I introduced myself he already knew who I was and how creepy I thought that was. 

You see he had known who I was for over a year.  He was roomates with a friend of mine and had heard me sing a solo in a Christmas musical.  He had asked about me then.  Chris promptly informed him that I was very taken. The night we met started so much in my life, and the beauty of it is I remember so much of it.  I always prayed that I would know my husband when I met him.  I certianly did.  We met around 6 that night and did not stop talking till 6 the next morning.  We knew this was something special.  I was terrified.  Our friends were concerned I was rebounding too fast and we put off dating seriously for 5 months.  He kept pursuing me slowly and steadily and would not give up to spite my hesitation and fears.  Then we felt ready to move forward around the beginning of February.  He said he was going to make Valentine's Day very special and it would signify the beginning of our exclusivity. 

He said to pack for a weekend in the metroplex.  No I didn't need anything dressy, it was to be a relaxed weekend.  We would be spending time in his hometown with his family.  I woke up on the Friday morning we were supposed to leave to a very early phone call.  There was a delivery for me downstairs that I needed to come and sign for.  I took my sleepy self to the bottom of the dorms to find a delivery of beautiful tulips waiting for me.  There was also an adorable stuffed dog wearing a red sweater with the words "Happy Valentine's Day Desiree" embroidered on it.  I was so excited and if that had been all David had done it would have been wonderful.  But he was not done, not by a long shot.  We drove to Arlington strait to Ranger's stadium.  Our first date had been to a Ranger's game that previous September and he wanted to remind me of how much fun we had so we took a tour of the ballpark.  It was pouring down rain and I could not have cared less.  We saw the locker rooms, the dugouts, the field, and kissed in the seats.  He bought me a tee-shirt to remind me of the day.  I was having so much fun and when I asked if we were going back to Mansfield he said it would be a while. 
He then proceded to tell me how we were going to this amazing restaurant that night and since he had made sure I had nothing dressy to wear he was going to take me shopping! He bought me a beautiful black and white dress, sparkly shoes that I have to this day as a reminder, a purse, purfume and even jewelry.  I was totally overwhelmed! When I asked him why he was doing all of this he said that he was tired of me not knowing how valuable I was and he was determined to show me how much he valued me.  He had been saving for this weekend and making plans for it for months.  When we went to dinner that night I was walking on air and a very cute pair of heels! We ate at this amazing italian restaurant and the food was incredible. Well, my food was, David ordered shrimp and was served a dish that consisted of 5 small shrimp and nothing more.  He tried to play it off and act as though it would fill him up but in the end we laughed about it a lot and went to get him taco bell. 

I still have pictures from that night.  It was one of the most amazing nights of my life.  I had never been treated so lovingly, thoughtfully, or beautifully before.  David won my heart that Valentine's night.  We were inseperable every day after that and engaged that December.  Our next Valentine's he took me out to dinner and recited his proposal to me since I had been so overwhelmed during it that I had not heard a word he had said!

Each Valentine's gets better.  Not because of gifts or chocolate but because from that day to this I have never wondered if I was loved and cherished.  David has shown me a million times in a million ways that I am his beloved.  To be loved so beautifully and thoroughly is such a rare gift and I am well aware of what a blessing it is.  The pain of previous boyfriends and a very difficult relationship with my father all led to my complete misunderstanding of what love should look like.  I had no concept of God's love and David told me that he saw it as his job to show me through our relationship how Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  It took a long time for me to trust my David fully. Each day is a step in my walk with God to see him as a loving father who wants the best for me and will never seek to hurt me.  I would never have gotten to this place without my husband and his overwhelming passion and love for God and for me. 
So each year we celebrate our love and the gift we have in each other.  I am so grateful that he sought me, pursued me, loved me, cherished me, strengthened me, encouraged me, challenged me, served me, led me and continues to do so to this day.  Because of my groom I see what the ultimate groom looks like and he is beautiful.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Labor and Growing Pains

It is 2am.  I am sick. My throat hurts and I can only breath through one nostril. My whole body aches and I cannot move my neck to the right. I am hungry. I am exhausted. I have milk on my shoulder and pee on my shirt.  My house is not clean. The laundry is not done. I have never been happier in my life.  I am a wife. I am a mommy.  I am not who I was just 6 weeks ago.  I spent the first 5 and a half months of pregnancy sick and throwing up.  He was so tall right before he was born that it was hard to breath.  I woke up every night of my last month of pregnancy throwing up stomach acid.  I was wondering how I would make it and why all of these women say it is wonderful and worth it.  I had no idea what would happen to me or how God would completely change me in a matter of moments.

The pain was worse than I could have imagined.  I screamed and cried. I swore I would as least not scream.  He came out after only 45 minutes of pushing and Dr. Ehmer practically threw him onto my chest.  He was crying and just as I had done for the past 9 months when he was fussy I sang to him.  He was 1 minute old and it was all I could think of to do to soothe him.  He immediately stopped crying and looked at me with these big beautiful dark blue eyes and all of a sudden I knew.  I understood why women say it is worth it. I understood why women say having children is the most incredible experience a person can have.  I understood why my husband was excited about children when I was just plain terrified.  I understood why he said I would want another one someday even when I said that I would only have this one because pregnancy was so miserable. I understood a world of wisdom in a moment of singing to my beautiful child.  Most of all I understood why God sent his son, and why people say you understand the love of God infinitely better when you have children.  There is nothing I would not do for him. There is nothing he could do to change my love for him. I would die for him.  God loves his children the very same way. My walk with God changed forever in an instant. 

One hour after giving birth I started throwing up.  My blood pressure dropped to a dangerous level and I starting slurring my words.  Apparently I was hemmoraging and didn't know it.  We had always known it would be a possibility but thought we had taken all the necessary precautions.  I was in and out of consciousness for 30 minutes.  David was holding Conner and scared to death.  He said he kept trying to talk to me and my words were more like gibberish.  I lost a great deal of blood.  It seems that my uterus did not contract after birth and had been hemmoraging into my abdominal cavity without us knowing it.  Dr. Ehmer (the world's greatest doctor!) said he has never run from his office back to the hospital so fast.  He and the nurses saved my life.  I had no idea how close I came to death till one of the nurses was briefing the next nurse on duty and said to watch me close since they had almost lost me. I almost lost my life and during those scary moments all I could think of was how much I didn't want to leave my husband and son.  How much I loved them and wanted to be there for them. Not a lot of people get to have so many a life changing moments so close together but I did.  If I would have died to be able to have him in the world it was worth it. 

There is so much selfishness that seems to die when looking into the face of your child.  I listened to a wonderful sermon recently that talked about how true love is one of sacrifice.  How parents sacrifice to give their children what they need.  We let go of our desire for nice things so our children can have them.  We loose sleep to confort them when they cry.  We give time we never thought we had to be there for them. We give up what we want to be sure they can have what they need.  God did this for us and I have never been so in awe of the cross as I am now.  I asked God about a year ago to turn me into a different person.  One who could sacrifice.  Once who could love more and better than I thought possible.  One who could hear his voice and share his love like never before. One who could serve him through ministry, counseling and writing in a way I had always dreamed. I was pregnant a month later.  And I am certian that I want another one. God has a wonderful and ironic sense of humor.