Being Grateful

I was driving to work and found myself singing at the top of my lungs.  I had not done that is so long, not because I had no reason to but because I was worried that my reasons for being happy would suddenly disappear if I rejoiced over having them.  I had forgotten how to be grateful, or should I say I was afraid of being grateful.  Recently I heard Priscilla Shirer (my hero) say that even the strongest believers go through desert seasons and stop expecting God to move.  I had found myself in that very position.  I had lost sight of how big God was, how strong his love for me is, and how much I had let pain alter my perspective.  It was about this time that I met with my mentor and shared my feelings with her.  I was sharing with her that I feel like faith is something I don't have much of.  Then she tells me that I should keep a journal and read about what amazing things God has done for me in the past.  I used to journal all the time and for some reason I don't anymore.  Then I asked her what she goes back to when she is lacking faith.  She opened my spiritual eyes by telling me that the greatest time she has ever had with God was during the darkest time of her life.  She knew that there was no way she could have made it through all of that pain without God holding her every single minute.  What she said startled me and reminds me every single day that trails are something to be grateful for.  . I desperately needed a new perspective and had been praying for it for some time. That is when I found myself singing in the car. I was grateful for so many things, to spite my fear, I was able to praise God.  He moves in the most amazing way when we are hurting and at our worst.  My mentor was right, I would not have become who I am, grown the way I have, and realized all that I needed to if it were not for the hardest times in my life.  I have found it is those time that shape me the most and reveal the desperate need for God the most.  Maybe those times are the one's we need the most, since they usually draw us so close to God.  Now that is something to sing about.