I started taking karate. I had always wanted to but it just never happened. This really never bothered me until I took self defense and then I got the fever. Self defense was just such an incredible experience that I wanted to continue building on what I had learned. So I got brave and walked into Troy Dorsey's studio upon the advise of almost everyone I knew who said I should do it. I think a few of them just wanted to see girly Desiree' try to beat someone else up since I might be the prissiest girl on the planet! But to spite all of my reservations here I was standing in the middle of the studio in this bright white uniform looking at my teacher who happens to be this incredible fighter (Troy Dorsey himself) with something like a 9th degree black belt (no idea how you get to that), who has literally knocked people unconscious and I'm scared to death! But he just smiles at me, teaches me the guidelines, and then we are off and running. I learned how to put someone in a headlock, get out of a bear hug, and the best way to hit someone in every sensitive place you could think of! All of this was on my first night in the class! We worked every muscle I had and some I was not aware I had and as we are learning the most effective way to step on someone's foot it dawned on me. I'm a lot braver than I used to be.
Fear has seemed to run my life for more years than I care to admit. I was afraid of failure, loss, hurt, or becoming something I swore I never would. These fears have kept me from doing so much. You see, when you stomp on the foot in exactly the correct way you will break the bones of the foot and most importantly the bones that create the arch. All of the tendons arould these bones support it and allow a person to walk correctly. When this support is damaged and the bones broken a person is incapable of moving and walking correctly. In fact they may never walk the same way again. This seems to have been my situation up to this point. I was letting fear be my motivation instead of God and my passion for what I loved. So much of my life has been spent afraid. Afraid that I will let myself or others down. Afraid that I did not have what it takes to succeed. I don't want to live that way anymore! Its draining! It is true that what we go through changes us. I may never walk the way I once did, after all my foot has been broken many times in the metaphorical sense. But who needs to walk perfectly when you can take someone down simply using the palm of your hand! So as I stepped onto the mat for my second night of karate in my bare feet I felt that firm sense of resolve that says I am much stronger than I look and I will learn how to fight instead of run from what I fear.
I was so sore and tired when I got home that night but I could not stop smiling. My sweet and supportive husband asked how it went and I sweetly said I would tell him if he would rub my very sore arms! So I sat there and explained what we did and how I felt about it as he worked a very large knot out of my left arm. Then I went and soaked my tired feet and talked to God. This was not simply a way for me to go out at night by myself without being afraid, this was being able to walk when wounded and fight through fear.
Now if only they would make a pink karate uniform! Yes, others would laugh, until they had to fight me!
