I had to have surgery again for the second time in 5 months, but I wasn't all that surprised or upset this time. For months before my wedding I thought my family would be able to give me this extravegent, expensive, glamorous, over the top wedding so anything less seemed disappointing. Then as the day grew closer and it became more and more obvious that this would be impossible I realized that my expectations and dreams that I had always had for my wedding were crumbling. I mourned these childhood bridal dreams for weeks, wondering how in the world I would start my future off right without marble in bathrooms at the reception?!?! I then had a conversation or 6 with my mother-in-law, future husband, and several of my girls about what a beautiful wedding really was. The reality of it was a beautiful wedding is one in which the Bride and Groom are in love with God, each other, and are seeking to fulfill God's will in their life together. I had lost sight of what a real marriage was meant to be and needed reminding. As I became more aware of what it meant to truly be God's Bride, and David's, God's provision showed up in a way I did not expect and my wedding was beautiful. It was actually more than I had ever dreamed it could be, but I had to release my ideas, my plans, my desires, and then came the white dress I had always dreamed of. It was sparkly, flowing, and I looked just as I had always imagined I would, but the funny thing was I wasn't looking at me, I was looking at David. Our marriage was what I should have been focusing on all that time and finally getting my eyes off the details and onto a relationship.
Now I'm back in that place once again. I am so worried about the details of my life, the one that seem to be so imperfect, so off track, that the relationship that means the most is completely off. This time my mother-in-law, my husband, and my girls have all talked to me but it would seem that I need something that they cannot give me. I need to see God move, but I guess he wants to change my way of looking at the world, at relationships, at my calling, and most of all at Him. Can you really see what someone is trying to tell you, who they are, or where the relationship is going, whether with God or a loved one, if you don't see them for exactly who they are, ya know, without all the bells and whistles, just you, and them (and of course the sparkly dress)?
