Being Broken

I always knew that when those that loved me, and had gone before me, said married life would be hard they were wrong. We were both right, its even harder than I could have ever imagined. But, not in the way I feared. You see I was always afraid that once I got married that being in love would somehow dissapear as it had for my parents and so many people I know. But that was not the case, it was all the attacks that come from the enemy that make for such a hard time. I have never loved anyone the way I love my David. I fall more in love with him each and every single day. In fact, when I think about being married, I am filled with such a peace and joy that I could never describe in words. It is only because I listened to God when deciding who to marry that I am able to speak with such certianty now when I say, no matter how much pain our first year has held, I would not trade a minute that I have spent with God's greatest gift to me, my husband. Our first year seems to have been filled with one attach after another, often leaving us to wonder what we had done wrong. We have spent so much time crying, pleading, yelling and praying together, that though I thought I would never stop being angry with God, it seems he has only left me with wide-eyed wonder at his mercy and grace. I have spent many a night crying into my pillow curled up on the floor only to discover that it was more than me and my husband there. God was actually holding us, he had to, many times there was no way for us to go on, there was none of our strength left. Now, being as broken as I am, I can only sense the Lord's presence and his peace. I guess that is what it means to be beautifully broken.