Bouncing Back

I had thought my heart was having the hardest time bouncing back and wasn't paying much attention to it with all that has been going on lately. After all who has time to think about healing with being in grad school, tons of homework and papers, working full time, helping out at the church, and working hard to be a good wife and occasional friend!! Then I went to Howard Payne for graduation and spent some time relaxing. I cuddled with my husband, had deep conversations with my girls, laughed with them about lingerie and being married and ended up seeing myself again. I had felt for a very long time that I had become so hurt and broken that I no longer had a grasp on what it meant to be a woman of God, to be Desiree'.
Then I was sitting there talking to Lexi and Cory and they asked me how I was dealing with all the hurt and suddenly I found myself speaking of God in a way that I never had before. I spoke of heartache and hurt so deep that those I spoke to were moved to tears though I was not, I spoke of forgiveness that only God the Father could do within me, and a deep desire to be victorious not only for myself but for all other women who have endured the same pain that I have. Cory is this tough and burly guy, used to being around convicts, and when I spoke of forgiving someone like that, he just bowed his head and smiled unable to speak. I finally realize that God is making me into a warrior. A fierce and beautiful warrior that will lead other warriors through journeys so amazing that we will only be left standing in awe. I know that for any truly hard job a great deal of determination, preparation, and labor is involved to become ready for what lies ahead. For what lies ahead is victory, and it comes to those willing to work for it. I have fought for a very long time against working so hard, it hurts so badly to do so. But, I feel a deep burden for other women, as though my victories are not just my own, but a victorie that we all must face. If I am not willing to fight for my own heart, my own future, my own needs and identity, then I will never be able to help them fight for their own. And my heart would always feel a longing within.